A Lot Tougher Than It Looks

In Panama, the month of November is always filled with desfiles (parades) and ferias (fairs). It seems that schools, public offices, and many businesses are closed more days than they are open. If people are not participatingin or attending an event, they are cleaning up after the last one or preparing for the next one.

There are two Independence Days (one from Columbia and one from Spain), a couple of semi-religious events, Colon Day, and a fouder's day for each province and most villages. It is not quite mid-month and I have already attended more parades in twelve days than I have in twelve years. The Mes de La Patria (Month of the Homeland) is an interesting and challenging time to begin my service.

Between celebrations, I am becoming well acquainted with the difficulties of life in the developing world – language challenges, cultural hurdles, broken systems, and bruised communities. While I am blessed to be assigned to a community that has both running water and electricity, only ocassionally do we have both at the same time! The 1970s public service announcement that haunted me for 30+ years did not lie when it refered to the Peace Corps as the toughest job you'll ever love. Life in the Peace Corps is tough – a new kind of tough everyday – and on most days I love it.

Enjoy the pics.
Anita

My Swearing-In Ceremony

Pics from My Site Visit

Banana country here I come!

A group of women have organized themselves to bake and sell bread. Yum! I will be helping them to structure their business to maximize profits and ensure sustainability.

Some local kids take a break from playing futbol long enough to pose for a picture. (below left) The center of town. (below right)

Feels Like the Real Thing

This week I became a Peace Corps Volunteer. No, I have not yet been sworn in. Technically, I am still a trainee. But this was the week that it all began. The traininings, the charlas, the dinamicas. It all came together and now I feel just a little bit more like a real volunteer.

I spent the past week living and working in an indigenous community in the Ngobe Bugle region. They taught me their rich history, repleat with sorrowful tails of oppression and loss, interrupted by a victorious comarca designation (similar to an indigenous reservation in the U.S.).

Kate, Karen, and I humbly approached our assigned task. We observed, assessed, and analyzed the business operations of an association of gifted female artesians and designed and delivered workshops to meet their needs. Our time with them was brief but we gave them our best.

My host family for the week was loving and generous. I ducked to avoid bumping my head as I entered their humble home and was presented with the Ngobere and Spanish names of each member of the family. They showed me to my "room" a curtained off section of the "house" furnished with a sleeping mat on top of a table top. They were proud to share their home with me. I attempted to honor their pride by not letting on that I knew that they were sleeping three and four to a bed in order to accomodate me. I stopped drinking fluids at 2pm everyday to avoid the frightful after-dark trip to the latrine. I ate what they ate and bathed how they bathed and they rewarded me by inviting me into their hearts. Together we wept over their losses and longings and together we rejoiced over their triumphs, hopes, and dreams.

As I came to understand their battles against man and against nature, I realized that their faith in God is so much bigger than mine. It has to be.

In another three weeks, I will be sworn in and sent to my assigned community. Although I trust that the remaining training sessions are essential, I feel ready. I feel like a Peace Corps Volunteer.

Grace and Peace,

Anita

P.S.
I came back with a nasty parasite. I named it Alfred.

Blisters, Bus Rides, and Beating Clothes Against a Rock

Training week 5 (of 10) was culture week and a group of us were welcomed into the lives of the Ngobes, one of the largest indigeneous groups in Latin America. Overflowing with culture, creativity, and mystery, the island is located in the Bocas region of Panama. Almost everyone speaks Spanish but many are committed to the continuation of Ngobere, their native tongue.

I was treated both as an honored guest and an old family friend, with evenings spent trading stories with Sergio and Lucia and days spent traversing the difficult terrain and taking in the daily experiences. I lay awake each night, tossing my observations, thoughts, and feelings from one end of the mosquito net to the other. Culture. History. Pain. Lack. Desire.

Last week I stepped hundreds of years back in time. Next week promises to be even more challenging. Will the next subculture be as interesting? Could the next family possibly be as sweet as the last one and as loving as those who await my return?

Week 10 of training beckons me as I am drawn to the community that will be my own for the next two years. It also taunts me with the impending and inevitable goodbyes. I am challenged by the promise I made to myself that I would embrace these new relationships, no matter how temporary they are. El amor vale la pena. Love is worthwhile.

Grace & Peace,
Anita

PC Boot Camp

Please forgive the typing blunders. I havent gotten the hang of the international keyboard.

Peace Corps training is like book camp. Im not doing push ups, thankfully, but my days are packed and highly structured from morning to night. Training sessions are intensive and there are group assignments and homework for after hours.

I feel like the PC made a perfect match when they placed me with my host family. It will be hard to leave them in October once I am sworn in. The family has done this many times and has become quite skilled in supporting the cultural immersion while still giving me some personal space. I live in the home of the Representante Honorable, equivalent of a mayor. Because inquiring minds want to know, I have a rustically charming indoor shower and flush toilet. The entire family has been welcoming and very interested in me and my life in the states.

My host mom is a wonderful cook. I feel like I have been eating way to much of all the wrong things but my clothes are quite loose on me. My days are quite physical and climbing the steep hills to get to class every day helps.

Last week we spent a day visiting a volunteer at her site. It was definitely ¨out there¨ geographically but the people were so sweet that it was easy to feel comfortable even though the conditions were quite rustic. Next weekend I will be going to visit another volunteer from Thurs through Sun. One other Aspirante (volunteer candidate) will accompany me. A couple of days ago we were sent out on a scavenger hunt using public transit. Today is our second independent journey using the very colorful ¨Diablo Rojos¨ (Panamas bus system).

Training is really helping me to understand the importance of development work and to figure out my role in it. In week 4 I will learn where my assignment will be and at the end of October I will be moving again. My living conditions are likely to be harsher in the near future but I can see how PC is weaning us off of the comforts and helping us to build a tolerance, and even a desire, for our ultimate destination, whatever it is. Committing to the unknown is scary but I will do it anyway.

At least once a day I ask myself what I am doing here. But at least twice a day I realize that at this moment in time, I would not want to be anyplace else. I miss my friends and family like you would not believe but the calling cannot be ignored.

I dont have Internet access on a daily basis so I dont know when you will hear from me again. I will do my best to keep you up to date.

Blessings to all.

Pure Passion

Webster defines "passion" as a strong liking or desire for or devotion to some activity, object or concept. But what exactly is passion?

When I look back upon my life, there were many seasons in which I had a strong liking, desire for or devotion to a job, a hobby, a course of study, an act of service, or a relationship. These were times of happiness, hopefulness, energy and excitement. I shifted my every thought, emotion, and personal resource toward the passion du jour. I made promises, lists, and investments. I sacrificed relationships, spontaneity, fun, and sleep. I woke up early and stayed up late until, predictably, I could do no more and I was left deflated, exhausted, and passionless. As it turned out, what I thought were passions, even those that appeared altruistic, were often selfish indulgences and compulsive distractions.

I have spent the last five days observing passion in the eyes and actions of the Peace Corps staff and seasoned volunteers. I see their passion and I want it. But I also fear it.

How pure is my commitment to international development work? Am I capable of making the long term commitment to the kind of sacrifices I observed today on my first field visit? Am I prepared to shift my entire way of being for the benefit of others? I continue to pray for wisdom, patience, and revelation and will pray the same things for you as you read these words and ponder that which you believe to be your passion, the purity of your motivations, and the sincerity of your commitment.

Grace & Peace,

Anita

What's In It For Me?

The Peace Corps is dedicated to promoting world peace and friendship while providing a much needed service.

Because I am not completely clear on what my role as community economic development consultant will entail, my service goals are a little vague. If history repeats itself, it is highly likely that I will be doing a lot of writing, speaking, teaching, relationship building, coalition building, leadership coaching, and teambuilding. These have been the common denominators throughout my career. But what's in it for me?

I must confess that I spend just as much time these days, thinking about who I will be when I return as I do thinking about the actual experience of serving. How will these new relationships and experiences impact me? How will I readjust to life back in the States? How will I transition back into gainful employment? Will I still be passionate about international development work?

I spent this weekend thinking about my personal goals for my 2+ years in Panama and this is what I came up with:

1. To do no harm.
2. To facilitate and participate in sincere relationships.
3. To strengthen my Spanish language ability.
4. To better understand development work.
5. To find my place as a professional in international development work.

Joining the Peace Corps in mid-life is risky but I believe it is a risk worth taking. Somewhere out there is a problem that needs attention, a seed that needs to be watered, a hand that needs to be held. Some people answer the call by doing these things right here in the U.S. For me, the call is to far off places and I could not live with myself if I ignored it.

I realize that anything can happen between now and the time I land in Panama. But I am committed and I am moving forward. What about you? Are you stepping into your calling or are you letting the what-ifs hold you back? The world needs you and yes, the world includes that which is right outside your front door. Step out... and together we can be agents for change and objects of change.

You Can't Take It With You

“You can't take it with you!” said the spendthrift as he greedily eyed the miser's bulging wallet.

“No, I cannot,” responded the miser, “but neither can you.”

“You can't take it with you” took on new meaning for me when I pressed the send button that transmitted my application, activating the first phase of my Peace Corps journey. I looked around my home office at the file cabinets, desktop computer, space-hogging peripherals, furniture and overstuffed bookshelves and I said to myself, “You cannot take it with you.”

Although I have had a tendency to purge my household goods regularly, I was suddenly aware of the urgent need to cut a little deeper. Thanks to Craigslist, many kind strangers were happy to pay me for the privilege of removing some of my burden.

I must admit, parting with my furniture was hard. Not because it was incredibly rare or valuable. Not because of any emotional attachment. But because, deep down, I was afraid of never being able to replace it again.

I am taking a huge risk by committing to two years of service overseas. I am taking myself out of the game and trusting that when the time comes, somehow, I will get back in.

My soul still grieves over the two lengthy seasons of unemployment in my not-too-distant past and the devastating losses attached to each. So it is quite natural that I would experience trepidation in letting go of my household goods under the premise that gainful employment will greet me when I return to the U.S. In 2011.

With my departure date looming and the Peace Corps debt-free requirement taunting, I continually revisit the Rubbermaids in my sister Rita's basement, each visit prompting yet another challenge:

• Do I keep the stuff and trust God to supply the finances?
• Or do I sell the stuff and trust God to give me more stuff in two years?

The pain of professional, financial, and relational loss is very real and the fear of a recurrence was clouding my thinking. So when I asked God what I should do, He led me to the Old Testament and made me a promise, “I will restore (your) fallen tent. I will repair (your) broken places, restore (your) ruins, and build (you) as (you) used to be” (Amos 9:11).

Yesterday, Rita and I had a garage sale, the second since I've been in Michigan. We had a good time and made a nice profit. But the greatest gain for each of us has been a detachment from the stuff that pretends to give comfort but in reality just restrains.

No, I cannot take it with me. But I can trust that something better awaits me.

Grace & Peace,

Anita

Here's the 411...

Originally published at http://anita4peace.wordpress.com/

I promise to write more once I’ve had a chance to absorb it all. For now, here’s the 411 on my Peace Corps assignment…

COUNTRY: Panama

PROGRAM: Community Economic Development (CED)

JOB TITLE: CED Consultant

ORIENTATION: Aug 11-12, 2009 in a U.S. city yet to be named.

TRAINING: Aug 13 – Oct 22, 2009 in Panama (I will be living with a host family)

SERVICE: Oct 23, 2009 – Oct 27, 2011 (After training, I can move into my own home)

LIVING CONDITIONS (per Peace Corps): Rural Panamanian-style house… a simple concrete blockhouse with cement floors and a tin roof or adobe or grass huts with dirt floors or wooden floors on stilts with palm-thatched roofs.

THE GOALS: The focus is on strengthening the management and leadership capacity of Rural Cooperatives, Local Organizations, and Youth to increase job and economic opportunities. There are three goals:

1. To improve management and leadership practices.
2. To identify resources and employ strategic planning to stabilize and/or expand economic opportunities.
3. To empower youth through the acquisition of life, entrepreneurial, and technological skills.

MY DUTIES: I will be working as a consultant to improve small business management and leadership capacity. Some of my tasks will include:

• Transformational leadership training
• Train the trainer
• Instruction in writing business plans and training modules.
• Training in strategic planning, problem-solving, decision-making, market research, feasibility studies
• Educate youth in teamwork, leadership, and effective communication
• Support income-generating projects of other volunteers including 1) Community Environmental Conservation, 2) Environmental Health, 3) Tourism and English Advising, and 4) Sustainable Agricultural Systems.

Practicing Goodbye

Originally published at http://anita4peace.wordpress.com/

Two weeks ago, I began grieving. No one close to me had died but I was grieving nonetheless. Two very special young people had come into my life and each, in their own way, had turned it upside down. When the time came for each of these very different people to take the next step in their separate and unique lives, I braced myself for the day when that step would take them away from me.

Just three short months ago, after plowing my way through everything I thought I could not live without and posting the rest for sale on Craigslist, I pulled together enough money to cover the cost of the move, packed up what was left, and said goodbye to a city that had been consistent only in its ability to find new ways to knock me down and to produce new friends to pick me up, some of whom I was just getting to know. Though I was no stranger to goodbyes, I naively believed this to be a sufficient dry run leading up to the one big goodbye when I leave for 27 months of services overseas.

My friend Rob drove the moving truck, leaving me alone in the Rover that was overflowing with my personal items and my personal thoughts. It seemed to drive itself the 270 miles from Cleveland to southwest Michigan as I reflected upon the friendships forged over the past three years and considered the short-term stint I would push through on my way to the Peace Corps. I promised myself that I would not “adopt” a young person in Michigan as I had a tendency to do in all of my travels. My time here would be short and my gaze was firmly fixed upon the future.

But God had other plans. Not one young person awaited me, but two. Still covered in road dust and gathering my bearings, I met the sweet and funny DK. She needed a big sister and I guess I needed a little sister. She pulled me into her heart and I lost the ability to choose not to love.

Within two weeks of my arrival, I met the sensitive and thoughtful DP. He needed a teacher and apparently I needed a student. When I looked into his eyes, I saw not the emptiness I expected of one who had been deprived of education for more than two years. Instead, I saw warmth and sincerity. After a painful two years of being ignored by potential employers, I finally experienced bienvenido (welcome) from the heart of my new boss, a sixteen year old who was hungry to learn. Because he and I have something very obvious in common, the other students often asked if he was my son. I relished these moments because, in my heart, he is.

DK and DP accepted me into their lives knowing I would only be there temporarily. Distracted by the temporal nature of my own life, I gave no thought to how I would feel when the time came to say goodbye. I certainly did not consider that their departures might begin before mine, reminding me that these adoptions of the heart could only be done with arms open both to embrace and to let go. I had to let them go. DK packed up her belongings and left to brighten the life of someone else. DP made a very grownup decision, one that he believed to be best for him though it grieved both me and his real parents.

My plan for a sterile and unemotional period of Peace Corps preparation was interrupted and turned upside down. DK and DP knew that my time here was short but they counted the costs and chose to love me anyway. These two very young people taught me a very grownup lesson, one that will serve me well as I create a home and build relationships in the community that awaits me, knowing that goodbye is always imminent. The lesson came full circle this week as I reconnected with them both and was reminded that goodbye does not always mean gone. DK and I have decided to make Thursdays our day to spend together. And DP has decided to delay making any major life changes while he continues to learn and grow. The goodbyes have been delayed, just as they have been with the friendships I left in Cleveland, the friendships that continue to blossom.

Along with the Peace Corps uncertainties of when and where, come the relational uncertainties of with whom, for how long, how deep, and how real. I am learning to keep my heart open to loving people without demanding that they stay. There will be goodbyes, some of which will blossom into friendships from afar while others will simply mean gone. To be truly alive, I believe is to embrace them both.

As you read these words, I hope that you are disrupted by the image of someone in your life. Loving them might be inconvenient and messy but don’t ignore them because you think they are just passing through. Dare to love and dare to let go.

Grace & Peace,

Anita

Will She or Won't She?

Originally published at http://anita4peace.wordpress.com/

The road that leads to the Peace Corps is turning out to be quite bumpy. So much needs to happen within the next six to eight weeks in order for me to gain access to destinations unknown.

The most immediate of issues includes a head-to-toe, properly documented, clean bill of health from a variety of doctors, most of whom are less motivated than I to meet the imposed deadlines.

Coming in at a close second is meeting the requirement of being debt-free, with the exception, of course, of student loans which we all know follow you to the grave. Because my current work assignment ends on May 29, a seamless transition into a summer assignment is crucial if I am to meet those financial goals.

The final issue, which is actually a complication of the previous issue, is the loss of the use of my vehicle which disqualifies me for the summer job that I had lined up, the one I was counting on in order to meet the aforementioned debt-free requirement.

So when Laura B. asked me for a Pre-Peace Corps update, I realized that I had been avoiding the blog because I was waiting for things to get better. I only wanted to share the good stuff. So while I was waiting for the good stuff to happen, I was presenting my case to God. This calling has been twenty years in the making; surely He will honor it. I keep looking for a ram in the bush but I know that for Abraham it came only after he demonstrated a complete willingness to sacrifice that which was most important to him.

Is there anything or anyone that could stop you from pursuing your big dream?

For me, even if every ‘I’ is dotted and every ‘T’ is crossed to Uncle Sam’s satisfaction and I am boarding the plane as God suddenly says, “Stay,” I will stay. So as I continue to dive head-first into this incredible adventure, I regularly remind myself to live in the moment and not to overlook today’s adventure in favor of that which has not yet happened… and only God has the power to make happen.

Are You Serious?

Originally published at http://anita4peace.wordpress.com/

Opening one’s email can present an emotional dilemma when a lady and her poodle go their separate ways.

Charlie gave me a special kind of love. You know, the kind of love that overwhelms one’s tail and sends it into a wagging frenzy in response to just a simple smile. The kind of love that wipes one’s memory clean of forgotten snacks, delayed walks, and way too infrequent car rides. What would it take to walk away from this kind of love?

Long before I came to love Charlie, I longed for a love of a different kind, a love of a place I’ve never been, a people I’ve never met, and a problem I never knew needed to be solved. The place may or may not be comfortable. The people may or may not welcome me. The problem may or may not be within my ability to solve. But love calls.

I miss Charlie but I have decided that I don’t want to see him before I leave for the Peace Corps. Saying goodbye is just too hard. Besides, he has two new loves, Dee Dee and Harold. And my new love beckons me as I delete an email from Pet Smart addressed to Charlie and remind myself not to look back.

Am I serious about the Peace Corps? Yes, I believe so.

What is the Peace Corps About Anyway?

As originally published at http://anita4peace.wordpress.com/

As Gracie Hart said (Sandra Bullock’s character in “Miss Congeniality”), “I really do want world peace!”

Will the day ever come when every person on earth is at complete peace with every other person on earth? Reconciliation on such a scale is God’s business. Face-to-face connection, understanding, and relational commitment in one’s realm of influence is our business. By joining the Peace Corps, I hope to live up to the challenge as the borders of my realm are expanded.

President Kennedy established the Peace Corps in 1961 to promote world peace and friendship through 3 simple goals:1. Helping the people of interested countries in meeting their need for trained men and women.2. Helping promote a better understanding of Americans on the part of the peoples served.3. Helping promote a better understanding of other peoples on the part of Americans.

What about you? How are you doing in your role as an ambassador for Peace within your realm of influence? Do you have peace in your home? More importantly, do you have peace in your heart?

Welcome!

As originally published at http://anita4peace.wordpress.com/

Last week I was officially nominated for service in the Peace Corps. With a stack of application paperwork under my belt and the next stack in FedX limbo, the month of August taunts me through my peripheral vision.

A friend asked me a very good question: “If you get a fabulous job offer between now and August, will you say ‘no’ to the Peace Corps?” I didn’t have to think very long before responding, “I’ve had fabulous job offers before. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.” Though she did not ask the next question, I read her mind in the way that girlfriends do and responded, “And if I meet a wonderful man who sweeps me off my feet between now and August, no, I will not say ‘no’ to the Peace Corps. I’ve been swept off my feet before and I believe that I will be again. This is one of those unique moments in time when a dream like this can come true.”

It is my honor to invite you to join me as I blog my way through this leg of my adventure. Welcome to my Pre-Peace Corps blog!